Dear Destroyer of My Soul,
First and foremost, I want to extend my gratitude to you. Yes, you read that correctly—gratitude. Because through your actions, you showed me exactly what I didn’t deserve.
I didn’t deserve those venomous words you hurled at me, nor the times you spat in my face. Your cruelty only inflated your ego and shattered my spirit.
I didn’t deserve the relentless degradation and name-calling. You reduced me to nothingness, all to bolster your own sense of power—the power you derived from rendering me utterly helpless.
I didn’t deserve the nights I woke drenched in sweat, haunted by nightmares with you as the malevolent protagonist. You were never there to witness my torment; you couldn’t care less about my well-being.
All that mattered to you was the satisfaction of your own selfish desires.
I didn’t deserve the anxiety attacks that gripped me whenever your name crossed my mind. I didn’t deserve the absence of love from you, and above all, I didn’t deserve your betrayal.
But here’s the twist, my dear destroyer: I thank you.
Thank you for showing me, in the darkest of nights, the strength to finally break free from your suffocating grip. You may have believed that your actions were justified, but you couldn’t have been more wrong.
True love doesn’t manifest through cruelty. It doesn’t revel in pushing someone to the brink. It doesn’t extinguish their will to live.
True love cherishes, nurtures, and safeguards the person who holds your heart as the most precious treasure in your life. Deep down, you must have known that, but you chose to ignore it.
With a woman worthy of your love, you don’t engage in mind games or subject her to your torment. Instead, you count your blessings each day for having her by your side.
But you, you did none of that, did you? You exploited her, irreparably altering her life. Even after she fled from your clutches, she was never the same.
You annihilated the woman she once was and molded her into someone more suitable for your needs—a puppet dancing to your cruel strings.
You claimed to love her, swore it on your life each time you sensed her resolve to leave slipping through your fingers. You swore you’d help her, but those were nothing but hollow lies.
There’s something I struggle to fathom, though. How could someone like you dare utter the words ‘I love you’ to anyone? Those three words carry a depth you can’t comprehend.
I wonder if you even meant it, or if it was all an elaborate deception, a ploy to exploit and manipulate. Perhaps deep down, you were a broken man who never learned how to love a woman, and thus, you resorted to your heinous acts.
Perhaps, you genuinely believed your actions were justified—a chilling possibility that suggests a level of psychopathy that’s difficult to fathom.
I’ve always pondered the location of your conscience. Did you ever wrestle with guilt when you lay down to sleep? Did your mind and soul ever ache with remorse?
I may never know because, to you, it seemed all so natural, as if you were incapable of feeling remorse or empathy.
You didn’t love me. You couldn’t love anyone. Maybe you merely entertained the idea of love, testing it out on me as your unwitting guinea pig.
But let me be clear: you failed, and you failed miserably.
Regrettably, I was the one who truly loved you, though I should have never allowed myself to feel that way.
I was the one willing to move mountains for you, only to be left with a jagged fragment that struck me down. I was the sole fighter in a battle you dubbed ‘eternal love,’ and what did I gain from it?
I earned emotional scars that may never fully heal. I carry memories that will never fade. I still hear the echoes of your hurtful words reverberating in my mind, haunting my thoughts, making me shiver. I inexplicably grow cold, and then I remember—it’s you haunting my thoughts.
In those moments, I became numb, as though I were acclimating to your cruelty. In truth, I was merely bottling up my emotions to survive. I locked away the remnants of my true self, hoping to recover them someday.
That was my defense mechanism, and now I comprehend the horrors I endured because of you.
Now, distanced from your malevolence, I understand the profound fortune of my escape. I finally grasp how lucky I am not only to experience love but to live life once more.
I’ve unearthed my strength, and this time, I pledge to safeguard it fiercely. I won’t permit anyone to harm me as you did.
My actions, my essence—none of it was ever good enough for you. In your eyes, I was mere clay, ready to be reshaped. Yet, today, I realize I was already a masterpiece until you embarked on your misguided quest to “improve” me.
Back then, when I loved you, I believed you were the beacon of light in my dark tunnel. Little did I know; you were the darkness that held me captive.
You were the shadow that dragged me deeper whenever I reached for the light. Throughout our time together, you were the man obstructing my ascent toward my dreams and goals.
The saddest part? You wanted me to believe that you were aiding my ascent, when, in fact, you were plunging me into an abyss.
Even though I once considered you the love of my life, you were, in truth, my most formidable adversary.
And I still grapple with the enigma of how you could inflict such suffering on the woman you shared your life with. How could you utter ‘I love you’ without genuine intention?
Perhaps you were the kind of man who couldn’t care less about others’ perceptions of you. In this case, you were utterly indifferent to my opinion, because if you had cared, you would have thought before acting.
During our time together, you always acted on impulse, only to contemplate afterward. By then, the damage was done, and forgiveness became an elusive specter.
A person can endure only so much. Just when you believe you’ve reached your limit, you discover you can bear more. When you think you can’t take it anymore, you find you still have reserves of strength.
However, when you reach the point where you no longer care, when living and dying seem equally inconsequential, when days and nights blur into a monotonous sameness—that’s when you’ve had enough.
You led me to believe in illusions, bullied me into trusting you, and painted me as impossible to coexist with. You labeled me as insane, asserting that I needed help. You pronounced me unlovable, yet it was you who couldn’t handle me.
Your claims stemmed from your insecurities, from witnessing me accomplish what you could not. Because I was stronger, you sought to belittle and gaslight me, yearning for control.
You wished to dominate me, to rule over me, and regrettably, for a time, you succeeded.
You became my necessary evil, a narcissist concealed beneath a façade, a man skilled in inflicting emotional wounds with words alone. You pinpointed my vulnerabilities with unerring precision, annihilating me piece by piece.
But now, after the passage of you labeled me as crazy, insisting I needed help. You asserted that I was unlovable, yet it was you who couldn’t handle me.
You said those things because you saw me achieving what you couldn’t. Merely because I was stronger than you, you sought to diminish and gaslight me.
You craved control over me. You yearned to dominate me, and regrettably, for a time, you succeeded.
You were my necessary evil—a narcissist in disguise, a man who knew how to inflict pain with words alone.
You knew precisely where to strike, how to dismantle me.
Now, after the passage of years, there’s one thing I must tell you.
The girl you “molded” into a pitiful, meaningless NOTHING has transformed into a woman who is powerful and unbreakable—a SOMETHING.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
Thank you for helping me realize that I was the only one who could save myself.
Sincerely,
The girl who knows better now