![8 Typical Texts You Get from a Narcissist [And How to Respond]](https://womenwithalpha.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/8-Typical-Texts-You-Get-from-a-Narcissist-And-How-to-Respond.2.png)
Narcissism isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a behavioral pattern that many of us encounter in various relationships, and more often than not, through the texts we receive.
When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, the challenge often lies not just in the content of their messages, but in the subtext and the emotional undercurrents. The texts from a narcissist can be confusing, manipulative, and emotionally draining.
Learning to identify these typical messages and crafting your response can be empowering. It gives you the upper hand in maintaining your peace and setting healthy boundaries.
So, let’s dive into the types of texts a narcissist might send and how you, as an alpha woman, can respond with grace and strength.
1. “You Never Appreciate Anything I Do”
When you receive a text saying, “You never appreciate anything I do,” it’s like being handed a guilt-laden grenade. The intent is to throw you off balance and make you feel like you’re the one at fault. It’s a common tactic used by narcissists to maintain a grip on the emotional power play in your relationship.
First things first, remember this is a classic guilt trip. It’s designed to make you feel responsible for their happiness and satisfaction. This kind of message is manipulative—it’s not about your lack of appreciation but their need for constant admiration and validation.
Take a breath. The immediate response might be to start listing all the times you’ve shown appreciation or to apologize profusely, but hold off. You don’t need to defend your gratitude. Instead, a measured response could be, “I’m sorry to hear you feel that way. I do appreciate you, but it seems we have a difference in how we show and perceive appreciation.”
This response does three things: it acknowledges their feelings (without agreeing with them), reaffirms your position, and highlights a fundamental difference in perception. By doing this, you’re not accepting the guilt but opening the floor for a healthy conversation—if they are willing to have one.
Now, let’s be clear—dealing with a narcissist often means that even the most well-crafted response won’t lead to a productive dialogue. Their aim isn’t resolution; it’s reaffirmation of their distorted beliefs. Therefore, your response should be more about setting boundaries for yourself rather than trying to fix the situation.
The power lies in your reaction, or sometimes, the strength of not reacting at all. By staying calm and composed, you’re sending a clear message: guilt trips are not the way to your heart or your conscience. Your self-worth isn’t up for negotiation, and neither is your right to be treated with genuine respect, not coercive tactics.
2. “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”
Encountering a message like “I’m sorry you feel that way” can be infuriating. It’s a non-apology, a way of feigning remorse without taking any real responsibility for their actions. As an alpha woman, you see right through this. The narcissist is using a classic deflection technique, implying the issue is your emotional response and not their behavior.
In this situation, your response should cut through the non-apology. You might consider replying with, “I appreciate your acknowledgment of my feelings, but let’s discuss the actions that led to them.” This response is assertive yet composed, shifting the conversation from your feelings to the heart of the matter—their actions.
However, recognize that engaging might not always lead to an admission or change in their behavior. It’s important to set boundaries. You might say, “Moving forward, I would appreciate it if we could address the root cause of the problem, rather than focusing on our reactions.” By doing this, you’re showing that you’re not just aware of their tactics but that you’re also not going to be ensnared by them.
3. “Why Aren’t You Answering Me?”
“Oh, the urgency of a narcissist when they feel ignored—it’s almost palpable. When you receive a barrage of “Why aren’t you answering me?” texts, know that this is a control check. The narcissist is not concerned about your silence; they are rattled by the loss of control it signifies.
In this scenario, your response should be calm and assertive. When you’re ready—and only when you’re ready—you might reply, “I’ll respond when I have the time to give your message the attention it deserves.” This statement is powerful. It sets the tone for when and how the conversation will proceed, on your terms.
Remember, your time is valuable, and you dictate its use, not someone else’s need for immediate attention. Narcissists thrive on creating a sense of urgency and importance around their needs, but you’re not required to cater to that.
Sometimes, it might be tempting to give in and reply immediately to stop the flood of messages. But consider this: every quick response teaches them that their strategy works. Take back your power. Let them know, through your actions, that their impatience will not dictate your response time.
4. “You’re Overreacting”
The message “You’re overreacting” is a textbook example of gaslighting—a tactic used to sow seeds of doubt in your feelings and perception of reality. It’s a subtle, yet insidious way a narcissist tries to undermine your confidence and belittle your emotions.
As an alpha woman, you recognize your emotions as valid and informative. When accused of overreacting, resist the urge to immediately justify or minimize your feelings. Instead, consider responding with, “I’m reacting appropriately to the situation. Let’s focus on the issue at hand.” This firmly redirects the conversation away from your emotional response and back to the problem caused by their actions.
Stand firm in your self-awareness. Remember that a narcissist’s goal is to make you question your judgment. Don’t concede this power. You might add, “I trust my feelings and I trust that I can express them when necessary. Let’s discuss solutions instead.” This shows that you are in control of your emotions and you are inviting a constructive dialogue rather than an argument.
5. “I’m Just Being Honest”
When you receive a text that starts with “I’m just being honest,” brace yourself. What often follows is a veiled insult, not so cleverly disguised as candid feedback. Narcissists use this phrase to cloak their critical and sometimes cruel remarks under the guise of honesty.
Your reply needs to unwrap this false honesty without giving in to the insult. “Honesty is appreciated when it’s constructive and kind. Is there a reason you felt the need to say this?” This kind of response throws the ball back into their court, asking them to consider the intention behind their words.
It’s also an opportunity to assert your boundaries. You might say, “I welcome honesty that helps us grow. If your intention is to hurt rather than help, I don’t see it as beneficial.” This demonstrates your respect for genuine, constructive dialogue and your refusal to entertain anything less.
The truth is, a narcissist’s ‘honesty’ is often a thinly-veiled attempt to manipulate or control. Recognize it for what it is. Don’t internalize their words or let them shake your confidence. As an alpha woman, your self-esteem is not dependent on the approval of someone who uses ‘honesty’ as a weapon.
6. “No One Will Ever Love You Like I Do”
When a narcissist says, “No one will ever love you like I do,” it’s a red flag disguised as a grand romantic gesture. It’s not a declaration of unmatched love; it’s a manipulation tactic designed to isolate you and make you question your worth in other people’s eyes.
As an empowered woman, you know your worth doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see it. A fitting response might be, “I appreciate our unique connection, but I don’t believe in limiting who can love me or how much I can be loved.” This asserts your belief in the abundance of love available to you and dismisses their implication of scarcity.
It’s crucial to recognize that true love doesn’t need to belittle the affection of others to validate its existence. You might want to add, “I’m capable of being loved in many wonderful ways by many different people.” This emphasizes your independence and reinforces your confidence in your own lovability.
7. “Remember When You…”
“Remember when you…” followed by a litany of your past mistakes is a common maneuver in the narcissist’s playbook. They dredge up your old errors not as a path to healing, but as a weapon to be wielded in moments of vulnerability. Their goal? To make you feel eternally indebted or flawed.
Acknowledge the past but don’t let it define your present. A calm response could be, “Yes, I remember, and I’ve learned from that experience. Bringing it up repeatedly isn’t productive. How do we move forward?” This type of answer acknowledges your growth and subtly insists on progress rather than dwelling on bygones.
If this pattern persists, it may be time to set firmer boundaries: “I won’t participate in conversations that don’t contribute to our growth. My past mistakes are not a crutch for our current conversations.” With this, you assert that while you own your history, you refuse to be ensnared by it.
8. “You Don’t Understand Me”
When a narcissist plays the misunderstood martyr, they often exclaim, “You don’t understand me,” in a bid to garner sympathy and turn the tables. This can be an attempt to sidestep accountability and make you the perpetrator for not grasping their supposed complexity.
In responding, first recognize this for what it is—a diversionary tactic. Your goal should be to steer the conversation back to reality without playing into their self-pity. Try responding with, “I’m trying to understand you, but we also need to address the real issue here.” This signals that while you’re empathetic, you won’t ignore the underlying problem.
It’s also helpful to reflect on whether this claim has any merit. If you genuinely feel there’s been a misunderstanding, you can say, “Help me understand you then. What am I missing?” This turns their statement into a constructive conversation starter rather than a dead-end accusation.
However, if this martyr act is a recurring theme used to escape responsibility, it might be necessary to draw a line. “I understand you may feel that way, but it doesn’t excuse [specific behavior]. How do we resolve this?” It’s a reminder that, misunderstood or not, they still have a responsibility in the relationship.
Remember, as an alpha woman, you possess the strength to cut through emotional manipulation. You empathize, but you also require accountability and constructive progress. It’s a balance between kindness and firmness, understanding and pragmatism. Never let the misunderstood martyr act keep you from addressing the essential matters at hand.