Love is supposed to feel special, comforting, and natural.
When someone says they love you, it’s expected that their actions will match their words.
But what if things don’t add up?
What if the person you thought was madly in love with you seems to be putting on a show instead of truly feeling those emotions?
It can be confusing and hurtful to realize that someone might be pretending to love you, but there are signs to look out for.
Pretending to love someone can happen for many reasons, like fear of being alone or wanting to keep you around for convenience.
But no matter the reason, it’s important to recognize these signs so that you can protect your heart and your well-being.
Here are some clear indicators that he might not be as invested in the relationship as he claims.
He Talks About Himself More Than You
One clear sign that he might be pretending to love you is when the conversation always revolves around him.
In a healthy relationship, both partners are equally interested in each other’s lives, thoughts, and feelings.
But if he constantly talks about himself, his achievements, and his problems without asking about you or showing genuine curiosity about your life, it’s a red flag.
When someone truly loves you, they want to know everything about you—the little details, your dreams, and even your struggles.
But if he rarely makes an effort to listen or show interest in what you have to say, it may be because he’s not emotionally invested in the relationship.
This doesn’t mean that he can’t occasionally talk about himself, but if you notice a pattern where every conversation somehow turns back to him, it can indicate a lack of genuine interest in you as a person.
He may ask a few surface-level questions, like “How was your day?” but those questions might not feel sincere or lead to deeper conversations.
The emotional investment is missing when he doesn’t care to ask how you feel or what’s going on in your world.
In fact, it can start to feel more like he’s using the relationship as a way to boost his own ego rather than showing empathy or concern for your feelings.
A person who genuinely loves you will take time to listen to you, support you in your goals, and show excitement for your happiness.
If you notice that the focus is always on him—whether it’s through constant talking or diverting the conversation back to his own life—it may be a sign that he’s pretending to love you rather than actually doing so.
His Actions Don’t Match His Words
One of the most powerful ways to spot if someone is pretending to love you is by observing whether their actions align with their words.
A person who truly loves you will show it in their actions.
It’s easy to say “I love you,” but it’s much more meaningful when those words are backed up by consistent, thoughtful actions.
If he tells you he loves you but rarely shows it through his behavior, it’s a clear indication that something is off.
For example, he might promise to spend quality time with you, but when the time comes, he always seems to have an excuse not to follow through.
Or he might tell you how much he cares, but when you need support, he’s nowhere to be found.
If his words sound sweet, but his actions leave you feeling neglected or unimportant, it’s time to take a step back and assess the situation.
Love is about more than just making grand gestures or saying the right things.
It’s about being there for each other, showing care and respect in daily actions, and following through on promises.
When his actions don’t match his words, it can indicate that he’s either not fully committed or that he’s simply going through the motions to keep you around.
A person who truly loves you won’t just talk the talk—they will walk the walk.
If the love you’re being promised doesn’t match the love you’re receiving, then his intentions may not be as genuine as they seem.
Pay attention to the disconnect between his words and actions—it could reveal the truth about his feelings for you.
He’s Distant and Avoids Emotional Intimacy
A key sign that he may be pretending to love you is his consistent emotional distance.
Emotional intimacy is essential in any loving, committed relationship.
It’s about sharing your feelings, being vulnerable with each other, and supporting one another through both good times and challenges.
But if he’s constantly avoiding deep emotional connections or steering clear of real conversations, it’s a red flag that his feelings may not be as genuine as they seem.
You might notice that he deflects when you try to talk about your relationship or how you’re feeling.
Whenever you bring up something that requires emotional honesty—like talking about your future together or addressing a concern in the relationship—he might shut down, get defensive, or simply change the subject.
This avoidance of emotional intimacy is a way of keeping things at a surface level, which is often the behavior of someone who isn’t fully invested in the relationship.
Another sign of emotional distance is if he shows little to no empathy toward your struggles or emotions.
When you’re feeling down or going through a hard time, does he make an effort to comfort you, or does he ignore your feelings, saying things like, “You’ll get over it” or “You’re overreacting”?
Someone who is truly in love with you would be there to support you emotionally.
A man who’s pretending to love you might avoid these deeper emotional connections because it requires vulnerability, and for him, it’s easier to keep things shallow and impersonal.
If you’re consistently feeling like you’re giving more emotionally than he is, or if you notice that he’s always shutting down deeper conversations, it’s a sign that he’s not as emotionally available as he claims to be.
Healthy relationships are built on trust, emotional support, and intimacy.
If he’s distancing himself or avoiding emotional closeness, it could indicate that he’s not truly invested in creating a deep, meaningful connection with you.
He Only Shows Interest When It’s Convenient
Another major sign that he’s pretending to love you is when he only shows interest in the relationship when it’s convenient for him.
Love and commitment require effort from both partners.
It’s about showing up for each other, no matter the circumstances.
But if he only reaches out to you when it suits him—such as when he’s bored, lonely, or in need of a boost—it’s a sign that he’s not truly interested in being there for you in the way you deserve.
For example, does he only make time for you when there’s no one else around?
Is he mostly focused on you during his free time, but when he’s busy or engaged with something else, he completely ignores your needs?
If he only makes an effort when it’s easy for him, it suggests he’s not fully invested in the relationship.
True love is not about convenience—it’s about being there for each other through both the good and the bad.
A man who is pretending to love you will only show interest when it benefits him or when it’s the least complicated.
He might text or call when he’s in need of validation or when things aren’t going well for him, but when you need attention or support, he disappears.
This pattern of inconsistent affection is often a sign that he’s not emotionally committed to you, and he might just be keeping you around for his own convenience or emotional needs.
A relationship built on convenience rather than genuine effort is one where you will always feel like you’re giving more than you’re receiving.
If you find yourself constantly wondering why he only shows affection when it suits him, it’s time to consider whether he’s truly in love with you or just pretending to keep you around for his own benefit.
He’s Always Making Excuses for His Behavior
One of the biggest signs that a man is pretending to love you is when he’s constantly making excuses for his behavior.
In a healthy relationship, both partners take responsibility for their actions, especially when something goes wrong.
But if he’s always finding ways to justify his hurtful actions, avoid accountability, or blame you for issues that are clearly his fault, it’s a major red flag.
A man who truly loves you will admit when he’s wrong, apologize, and make efforts to improve.
However, if he’s pretending to love you, he’ll often use excuses to deflect any blame, minimize his actions, or make you feel like you’re the problem.
For example, if he cancels plans at the last minute or ignores your calls, does he simply say, “I’ve been so busy lately” or “I didn’t think it was a big deal”?
If he’s not owning up to the way his actions make you feel, he might be emotionally manipulative and trying to protect his own ego.
The excuses might come in many forms—he’s tired, stressed, distracted, or simply didn’t mean to hurt you—but the pattern is clear: he doesn’t take full responsibility for his actions.
In a truly loving relationship, both partners understand that they are responsible for their words and behavior.
If a man truly loves you, he will want to understand how his actions affect you and will work to avoid hurting you.
On the other hand, if he’s pretending to love you, he’ll prioritize his own comfort over your feelings and consistently try to avoid facing the consequences of his actions.
A person who loves you will not only apologize when necessary, but they will also put in the effort to change negative behaviors.
If you notice that his apologies are often followed by the same mistakes, and his actions don’t align with his words, it’s a strong sign that he’s not genuinely invested in making the relationship work.
If he’s constantly making excuses and never truly taking responsibility for his behavior, it’s time to ask yourself whether he’s really in love with you or simply pretending to be.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing the signs that a man is pretending to love you can be difficult, especially when you’re emotionally invested in the relationship.
But it’s important to pay attention to his actions and words—and whether they align.
If he’s only showing interest when it’s convenient, making excuses for his behavior, or avoiding emotional intimacy, these are all clear indicators that he may not be as committed as he claims to be.
True love is about consistency, respect, and genuine emotional connection.
If you find yourself feeling uncertain or unfulfilled in your relationship, trust your instincts and consider whether this person is really showing you the love you deserve.