Starting a new relationship should feel exciting, filled with possibilities for the future.
But what happens when the person you’re dating seems more focused on the past?
If a guy is still emotionally attached to his ex, it can create an invisible barrier between you, making it hard to build something real.
At first, it may not be obvious.
Maybe he casually brings her up in conversations, stays connected with her on social media, or reminisces about the “good times” they had together.
But over time, you start noticing patterns—he seems distracted, emotionally unavailable, or even compares you to her without realizing it.
Being in a relationship with someone who is still hung up on their ex can leave you feeling like you’re in second place.
And no one deserves to feel like a backup plan.
If you’re wondering whether he’s truly moved on or if his heart is still stuck in the past, here are the clear signs that he’s more focused on his ex than on you.
He Talks About Her Constantly—Even When It’s Not Relevant
One of the biggest red flags that a guy is still focused on his ex is how often he brings her up in conversation.
It’s one thing to casually mention a past relationship when it’s relevant, but if her name seems to pop up out of nowhere—no matter what you’re talking about—it’s a sign she’s still on his mind.
You might be discussing weekend plans, and somehow, he mentions, “Oh, my ex and I used to go to that restaurant all the time.”
Or you could be talking about a new TV show, and he casually drops, “My ex loved that show.”
At first, it may seem harmless, but after a while, it starts to feel like she’s a constant presence in your relationship.
He may not even realize how often he’s bringing her up, but it’s a clear sign that he hasn’t emotionally moved on.
What’s even worse is when he talks about her in a way that makes it clear he still has unresolved feelings.
Maybe he reminisces about the good times, saying things like, “She really understood me,” or “We had some amazing memories together.”
Or maybe he talks about their breakup with bitterness, blaming her for everything that went wrong.
Either way, if he’s constantly mentioning her, it means she’s still occupying space in his thoughts.
A man who is truly ready to move forward with someone new won’t be stuck in the past.
If you find yourself competing with the ghost of his last relationship, it’s time to ask yourself if he’s really available to give you the attention and emotional connection you deserve.
He Keeps Tabs on Her Through Social Media and Mutual Friends
Another major sign that he’s still focused on his ex is how closely he follows her life—even after their breakup.
If he’s still keeping up with her social media, checking her posts, or even bringing up updates about her, it’s clear she still has a hold on him.
Social media makes it easy to keep tabs on an ex, but a guy who is truly over someone won’t feel the need to constantly monitor what she’s doing.
If he’s always watching her Instagram stories, liking her posts, or finding excuses to scroll through her profile, that’s not just curiosity—it’s attachment.
You might even notice that he brings up things she’s been doing, saying things like, “Oh, did you see she went on vacation?” or “She just got a new job.”
The real question is, why does he care so much?
If he’s still emotionally invested in her life, it means he hasn’t fully let go.
Another red flag is if he still talks to mutual friends about her.
If every time he catches up with a shared friend, the conversation turns to, “Have you talked to her lately?” or “Do you know if she’s seeing anyone?”—he’s still emotionally tied to her.
Even if he insists that he’s “just curious,” the reality is, people don’t put effort into tracking someone unless they still care.
If he’s more interested in her updates than in building something meaningful with you, then he may not be as available as he claims to be.
He Still Gets Emotional About Their Breakup
A guy who has truly moved on from his ex can talk about their breakup with a sense of closure.
He may acknowledge that it happened, reflect on what he learned, and move forward without lingering bitterness or sadness.
But if he still gets emotional about their breakup—whether that means anger, sadness, or regret—it’s a clear sign that he hasn’t fully let go.
If he brings up the breakup with a bitter edge, saying things like, “She really messed me up,” or “I wasted so much time on her,” it means he’s still carrying unresolved feelings.
He may act like he’s over it, but that kind of emotional reaction suggests otherwise.
Strong emotions—whether love or anger—show that she still has a hold on his heart.
On the other hand, if he talks about their breakup with sadness, saying things like, “I don’t know if I’ll ever have something like that again,” or “I still don’t understand why things ended,” then he’s clearly not ready to move forward.
This is especially concerning if he seems stuck in the past, replaying old memories, or questioning what went wrong.
You might also notice that certain things trigger his emotions.
Maybe a certain song comes on, and he suddenly gets quiet.
Maybe you pass a place they used to go, and he looks distracted or upset.
These little moments reveal that, deep down, he’s still emotionally tied to his past relationship.
If his breakup still affects him to the point where it impacts his mood, his conversations, or his ability to be present with you, then he hasn’t healed yet.
And if he hasn’t healed, he can’t fully invest in a new relationship with you.
He Compares You to Her, Subtly or Directly
Nothing makes you feel more like a second choice than being compared to an ex—especially if it happens over and over again.
When a guy is still focused on his past relationship, he may start making comparisons, even without realizing it.
Some comparisons are subtle.
Maybe he mentions that you cook differently than she did or that she used to love a certain TV show that you don’t care for.
These little remarks might seem harmless at first, but over time, they start to feel like a constant reminder that he’s measuring you against someone else.
Then there are the more direct comparisons.
He might say things like, “She and I never argued like this,” or “She used to understand me better.”
These statements can be hurtful, making you feel like you’re competing with a relationship that already ended.
And let’s be honest—if he’s truly over her, why is he still using her as a point of reference in his new relationship?
It’s normal to have memories from past relationships, but bringing them into a new relationship is unfair.
You are not her.
You have your own personality, your own strengths, and your own connection with him.
If he can’t appreciate you for who you are and instead keeps measuring everything against his past, then he’s not really present in the relationship with you.
At some point, he needs to stop looking backward and start focusing on what’s in front of him.
If he can’t do that, then he may not be ready for a real relationship with you.
He Prioritizes Her Feelings Over Yours
One of the biggest signs that a guy is still emotionally tied to his ex is when he puts her feelings above yours.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should prioritize you—your needs, your emotions, and your happiness.
But if he is constantly worrying about how she feels, what she thinks, or how his actions might affect her, then something isn’t right.
You might notice this in small ways at first.
Maybe he still goes out of his way to be there for her when she needs help, whether it’s fixing her car, giving her advice, or comforting her when she is upset.
Even though they are supposed to be broken up, he still treats her like she is a central part of his life.
Or maybe he avoids doing things that might upset her.
For example, if she does not like the idea of him dating someone new, he might keep your relationship low-key to avoid hurting her feelings.
If she calls or texts him with a problem, he drops everything to respond, even if you are in the middle of spending time together.
If you ever bring up concerns about how much attention he is still giving her, he might get defensive, telling you that you are overreacting or being insecure.
But the truth is, your feelings should matter just as much—if not more—than his ex’s.
A man who is truly invested in his new relationship will not be so concerned about keeping his ex happy.
He will be focused on you, making sure that your needs and emotions come first.
If he is still prioritizing his ex over you, then you have to ask yourself if he is really available for a new relationship or if he is still stuck in the past.
Final Thoughts
Being with someone who is still focused on their ex can make you feel like you are constantly fighting for a place in their life.
If he talks about her all the time, keeps tabs on her, gets emotional about their breakup, or even prioritizes her feelings over yours, then he hasn’t truly moved on.
You deserve someone who is fully present in your relationship, not someone who is emotionally tied to the past.
At some point, he has to make a choice—to let go of what was and fully invest in what is.
If he cannot do that, then maybe he is not the right person for you.