Skip to Content

10 Must-Dos When He Pulls Away And Then Comes Back

10 Must-Dos When He Pulls Away And Then Comes Back

Sharing is caring!

Navigating the ebbs and flows of a relationship can be a bewildering experience, especially when he suddenly pulls away without warning, only to return as if nothing happened. This rollercoaster of emotions isn’t just confusing; it can be deeply unsettling, leaving you unsure about how to respond. If you’ve found yourself in this situation, you’re not alone.

Many women have faced this perplexing behavior, and while there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, there are steps you can take to protect your emotional well-being and clarity.

1. Assess Your Feelings Honestly

When he pulls away and then comes back, your first step should be to take a step back and assess your feelings honestly. It’s a moment that calls for introspection, not immediate reaction. This isn’t just about how you feel about him returning, but also about how his absence affected you. Were you anxious, relieved, indifferent? Your emotional response to both his departure and return can offer valuable insights into your true feelings for him and the relationship.

Taking the time to understand your emotions is crucial. It’s easy to get caught up in the relief or excitement of his return, but it’s important to ask yourself if you’re truly happy to have him back or if you’re just afraid of being alone. Consider whether the pattern of pulling away and returning is something you can live with or if it’s a dealbreaker for you.

Reflect on the reasons why he might have pulled away in the first place. Was there an argument, a misunderstanding, or did he simply need space? Understanding the context can help you approach the situation with more empathy and insight.

However, it’s also essential to recognize your worth and not settle for a relationship that leaves you feeling insecure or undervalued. If his coming and going is a pattern that hurts you, consider whether this relationship is truly serving your needs and happiness.

Remember, your feelings are valid, and acknowledging them is the first step toward making informed decisions about your relationship. It’s okay to have mixed emotions, and it’s okay to take your time in sorting them out. What’s important is that you’re honest with yourself about what you truly want and deserve in a relationship.

2. Communicate Your Needs Clearly

After you’ve taken the time to assess your feelings honestly, the next crucial step is to communicate your needs clearly. This conversation is pivotal because it sets the tone for how your relationship will proceed. It’s not just about airing your grievances or seeking explanations for his behavior; it’s about expressing what you need from the relationship to feel secure, valued, and happy.

Approach this conversation with a mindset of openness and honesty. It’s important to express your feelings without placing blame or making accusations. Use “I” statements to convey your emotions, such as “I feel hurt when you pull away without explanation” or “I need more consistent communication to feel secure in our relationship.” This way, you’re making it about your feelings and needs, rather than what he did wrong.

Be specific about what you need from him. If you require more regular check-ins when you’re not together, say so. If you need him to be more open about his feelings or the reasons why he might need space, express that. Clear communication is about being honest about your needs and giving him the opportunity to understand and meet them.

It’s also essential to listen to his side of the story. There may be reasons for his behavior that you’re unaware of, and understanding his perspective can help build empathy and understanding between you. This conversation is a two-way street; it’s about finding a middle ground where both of your needs are met.

Remember, the goal of this conversation is not to win an argument but to build a stronger, more open, and understanding relationship. Effective communication can pave the way for a healthier dynamic, but it requires both partners to be willing to listen, understand, and compromise.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is a fundamental step in any relationship, especially when dealing with the uncertainty of him pulling away and then coming back. Boundaries help define what you are comfortable with and how you expect to be treated. They are not ultimatums or ways to control the other person but rather guidelines that protect your emotional well-being and ensure the relationship grows in a healthy direction.

Be clear about what behaviors are acceptable and what are deal-breakers for you. For instance, if him disappearing without communication is something you cannot tolerate, make that clear. It’s important to communicate these boundaries in a calm and assertive manner. Let him know why these boundaries are important to you and the consequences of not respecting them.

It’s also crucial to enforce these boundaries. Setting them is just the first step; they only become effective when you stick to them. If a boundary is crossed, address it immediately. This shows that you respect yourself and your needs, and it teaches him how to treat you.

Setting and enforcing boundaries can be challenging, especially if you’re worried about pushing him away. However, remember that boundaries are about ensuring mutual respect and understanding. A relationship that cannot accommodate healthy boundaries is likely not a relationship that will meet your needs in the long term.

Boundaries also give you a sense of control over your emotional environment. They help you to feel secure and respected in your relationship, reducing the anxiety and uncertainty that comes with erratic behaviors like pulling away and coming back.

In the end, clear boundaries are not just about protecting yourself; they’re about creating a foundation for a relationship that is respectful, caring, and fulfilling for both partners.

4. Take Time to Reflect

Taking time to reflect after he pulls away and then comes back is crucial for your emotional well-being and the health of your relationship. Reflection allows you to process your emotions, evaluate the situation with clarity, and consider what you truly want moving forward. It’s a step that encourages you to look inward, beyond the immediate reaction to his return, and assess the deeper implications of this pattern on your life and happiness.

During this period of reflection, ask yourself some hard questions. How does his behavior affect your self-esteem and emotional security? Is this pattern something you can live with long-term, or is it a red flag indicating deeper issues in the relationship? Reflecting on these questions can help you understand your tolerance levels and whether your emotional needs are being met.

Consider the impact of this cycle on your life outside the relationship. Has it affected your concentration, work, friendships, or overall happiness? It’s important to recognize the broader effects of this emotional rollercoaster, as they can offer insight into the true cost of this relationship dynamic.

Use this time to think about what you want in a relationship. Does your current relationship align with those desires, or are you compromising too much of what’s important to you? Reflecting on your relationship goals can help you decide if this relationship is worth the emotional investment or if it’s time to reconsider your options.

Reflection is not about making immediate decisions but allowing yourself the space to understand your feelings and needs fully. It’s a process that might take time, and that’s okay. The clarity gained through reflection is invaluable for making informed decisions about your future, whether that involves staying in the relationship and working through issues or moving on to find a relationship that better meets your needs.

5. Seek Advice from Trusted Friends

When navigating the confusing territory of him pulling away and then coming back, seeking advice from trusted friends can be incredibly beneficial. Friends can offer a fresh perspective, emotional support, and sometimes, the hard truths we need to hear. They can help validate your feelings, offer insights based on their observations or experiences, and remind you of your worth when you’re feeling vulnerable.

Choose friends who know you well and whom you trust to have your best interests at heart. These should be individuals who can listen without judgment, offer constructive feedback, and support your decisions without imposing their own biases. A good friend will help you see the situation more clearly, not complicate your feelings.

Discussing the situation with friends can also help you process your emotions. Sometimes, just voicing your thoughts and concerns out loud can bring clarity and relief. Your friends can help you sort through your feelings, identify what you truly want, and strategize on how to communicate your needs and boundaries effectively.

However, while friends can provide valuable support and advice, remember that the final decision about how to proceed with your relationship is yours. Use their insights as guidance, not as directives. Your friends can offer perspectives, but you know your relationship and what you’re willing to accept or work through.

Seeking advice from friends also reinforces the importance of a support system. It reminds you that you’re not alone, and you have people who care about your happiness. Their support can give you the strength and confidence to address the situation in a way that’s best for you, whether that means working on the relationship or walking away.

6. Watch for Consistent Actions

After he pulls away and then comes back, one of the most telling indicators of his intentions and the future of your relationship is the consistency of his actions. Words can be reassuring, and promises of change are hopeful, but actions truly speak louder than words. Observing his behavior over time can provide clarity on whether he’s genuinely committed to making the relationship work or if the cycle is likely to repeat.

Look for efforts on his part to address the issues that led to him pulling away. Is he making a genuine attempt to communicate more openly? Does he follow through on the commitments he makes to you? Consistency in these areas is a positive sign that he’s taking your feelings and the relationship seriously.

It’s also important to note how he reacts to discussions about your needs and boundaries. A partner who is truly invested in the relationship will respect your boundaries and work with you to meet your needs. Watch for signs of respect and willingness to compromise, as these are crucial for a healthy, balanced relationship.

Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight, and there may be setbacks along the way. However, consistent effort towards improvement is key. If you notice a pattern of empty promises followed by a return to old behaviors, this may be a sign that the relationship is not moving in a positive direction.

Ultimately, watching for consistent actions helps you gauge the health and viability of your relationship. It allows you to make informed decisions based on his willingness to contribute to a mutually satisfying and respectful partnership. Trust your observations and intuition as you evaluate the consistency of his actions over time.

7. Prioritize Your Happiness

In the midst of the confusion and emotional turmoil that comes with him pulling away and then returning, it’s crucial to prioritize your happiness. This means making choices that contribute to your well-being and fulfillment, rather than sacrificing your happiness in an attempt to preserve the relationship at all costs.

Prioritizing your happiness involves recognizing your worth and understanding that you deserve a relationship that brings you joy, security, and respect. It’s about listening to your heart and acknowledging when a situation is more hurtful than it is worth. Remember, a relationship should add to your life, not detract from it.

Start by identifying what makes you happy outside of the relationship. Cultivate your interests, hobbies, and friendships. These aspects of your life can provide joy and fulfillment, regardless of your relationship status. They also serve as a reminder that your happiness is not dependent on any one person.

Consider whether the relationship, in its current state, aligns with your vision of happiness. If the cycle of him pulling away and coming back causes you more pain than happiness, it may be time to reassess the relationship’s place in your life. This can be a difficult realization, but it’s important to be honest with yourself about what you truly want and need.

Prioritizing your happiness also means being willing to make tough decisions. If you’ve communicated your needs, set boundaries, and still find yourself in a cycle of uncertainty and hurt, it might be necessary to consider ending the relationship. It’s a brave step to choose your happiness and well-being, even when it means letting go.

Remember, prioritizing your happiness is not selfish; it’s a necessary act of self-love and respect. By choosing to prioritize your well-being, you open yourself up to the possibility of a more fulfilling and respectful relationship in the future—one that truly makes you happy.

8. Consider the Relationship’s Future

Taking a moment to consider the future of your relationship is a vital step after he pulls away and then comes back. This contemplation involves more than just immediate feelings or the relief of his return; it’s about looking forward and determining what you want and expect from the relationship long-term. Reflect on whether the relationship is progressing in a way that aligns with your desires for the future, including mutual growth, respect, and fulfillment.

Think about the patterns that have emerged in your relationship. Are they indicative of temporary challenges that you can overcome together, or are they symptoms of deeper, more persistent issues? It’s important to differentiate between solvable problems and fundamental incompatibilities that could hinder your happiness down the line.

Consider the changes that need to occur for the relationship to be sustainable and satisfying. Are both of you willing and able to make these changes? It’s crucial for both partners to be committed to growth and improvement. A one-sided effort is unlikely to result in a healthy, balanced relationship.

Envisioning the future also means being realistic about your expectations. It’s essential to have hope, but this hope should be grounded in the reality of your situation. If his behavior and the dynamics of your relationship haven’t evolved despite your best efforts, it may be time to reevaluate the viability of your partnership.

Remember, considering the future of your relationship is not just about avoiding pain or discomfort; it’s about striving for a partnership that brings you joy, support, and companionship. This step requires honesty, courage, and a willingness to make tough decisions for the sake of your long-term happiness.

9. Engage in Open Dialogue

Engaging in open dialogue is crucial for navigating the complexities of a relationship, especially after experiencing the push and pull of him distancing himself and then returning. This dialogue is about creating a space where both partners feel safe to express their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment or retaliation. It’s an opportunity to address issues, discuss needs, and work together towards a stronger, more understanding relationship.

Start by setting a time to talk when both of you are calm and not distracted by other commitments. Approach the conversation with an open heart and mind, ready to listen as much as you speak. It’s important to communicate your experiences and feelings using “I” statements to avoid placing blame or making the other person defensive.

Encourage him to share his perspective, too. Understanding his reasons for pulling away and what he’s looking for in the relationship can provide valuable insights and help you find common ground. Listen actively, showing empathy and respect for his feelings, even if you don’t agree with everything he says.

Use this dialogue as a chance to discuss how you can prevent similar situations in the future. Talk about ways to improve communication, how to handle time apart, and strategies for dealing with conflict. These discussions can strengthen your relationship by building trust and ensuring that both partners feel heard and valued.

Open dialogue is not a one-time conversation but an ongoing part of a healthy relationship. It requires effort, patience, and a commitment to transparency and honesty. By fostering open communication, you’re laying the foundation for a relationship that can withstand challenges and grow stronger over time.

10. Make a Decision with Confidence

After taking the time to assess your feelings, communicate your needs, set boundaries, reflect on the relationship, seek advice, observe his actions, prioritize your happiness, consider the future, and engage in open dialogue, you are now in a position to make a decision about the future of your relationship with confidence. This decision could range from continuing to work on the relationship to deciding to part ways, but what matters most is that it’s made from a place of self-awareness, understanding, and strength.

Making a decision with confidence means trusting in the process you’ve undergone to arrive at this point. It involves believing in your ability to assess what’s best for you based on the information and insights you’ve gathered. It’s about recognizing that you have the power to choose a path that aligns with your needs, desires, and long-term happiness.

Remember, making a confident decision doesn’t imply that it was an easy choice or that there won’t be any doubts or fears. It means that you’re acting based on a deep understanding of your worth and what you need in a relationship to feel fulfilled and respected. Confidence comes from knowing that you’ve done the work to understand the situation fully and are making the best choice for yourself at this moment.

If you decide to stay in the relationship, do so with the commitment to continue working on the issues that have arisen, with clear communication and mutual respect as your guides. If you decide to move on, do so with the knowledge that you’re making a choice that prioritizes your well-being and opens the door to new opportunities for love and happiness.

No matter what decision you make, know that you’re doing so with courage and strength. The journey through uncertainty and back to a place of confidence is a testament to your resilience and capacity for growth. Trust in your decision, and move forward knowing that you’ve acted with integrity, respect for yourself, and hope for the future.