Dear “Love of My Life,”
I find myself writing this letter with a heavy heart, baring my soul to you. There’s something I need you to understand, to know the depths of what I went through while we were together, or rather, what I thought was “together.”
When I look back, the term “being together” seems like an ill-fitting phrase. Perhaps “when I thought we were together” paints a more accurate picture. But the purpose of this letter is not to lament my past, it’s to share my experiences so that you might never inflict the same pain on another woman.
The pain I endured is something I wouldn’t wish upon even my worst enemy. You see, I once believed we would grow old together, that you were the man of my dreams. You were the fresh air that filled my lungs when life turned difficult, the rainbow that brightened my darkest days.
You were there, but I failed to see the truth within your eyes. I didn’t realize that your feelings were not as deep as mine. To you, dating me was merely a matter of convenience, a way to escape the stresses of life. In the end, you needed someone to cook, clean, and provide companionship – and that someone turned out to be me. I wasn’t your soulmate, nor your beloved; I was just the placeholder until the right girl came along. The cruel irony was that I remained blissfully ignorant of this.
I lived in blissful ignorance, believing that the deal between us had already been sealed. I thought you would stand by me through thick and thin, through every challenge life threw our way. However, you were far from attentive during our conversations. Your attention was diverted to texting other women, leaving me feeling utterly neglected.
You often preferred to spend your time with friends rather than at home with me. You could never grasp the nuances of my job, the intricacies of my friendships, or the importance of my family. It was all too much for you to handle. Yet, I was persistent, wanting desperately for you to love me, to care for me. I yearned to be the woman you gazed at in a crowded room, the last thought on your mind before sleep and the first upon waking. I longed for your love, just as I had loved you – deeply, passionately, without reservation.
But you remained oblivious or perhaps chose to be blind to my love. I was the one crying myself to sleep night after night, drowning in sadness. On the other side of our bed, you slept soundly, as peaceful as a slumbering baby. You were unaware of the demons that tormented me daily.
Each day felt like a new battle, a constant struggle to win your love. One lonely night, during one of these battles, I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I was stunned. The woman staring back at me was a reflection of my sorrow. I could see the pain etched on her face, her eyes red from countless tears, her mascara smudged from weeping. It frightened me.
I was terrified of what you had turned me into, or rather, what I had allowed you to turn me into. In that moment, I made a choice – I decided to burn the bridges between us. I refused to be just another sad girl; I deserved more, and I wanted more. But you were incapable of giving it to me.
Now, after years of being apart, I want to express my gratitude. Thank you for revealing that I deserve better. Thank you for letting me down repeatedly, for teaching me how to stand tall in the face of adversity.
Thank you for not loving me, because in doing so, you paved the way for another man to make me truly happy. Most importantly, thank you for letting me go, without making an effort to bring me back. It was the day I was reborn, and I wouldn’t trade that feeling for anything in the world.
In the end, I want to thank you once more for shaping me into the person I am today. Without you, I could never have achieved this.
With zero love,
The girl who was never yours