It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship.
The texts, the attention, the sweet moments—it all feels amazing.
But deep down, you might be wondering: Is this real, or is he just using me?
No one wants to feel like they’re being taken for granted or strung along.
A guy who truly cares will show it through his actions, making you feel valued, respected, and appreciated.
But if he’s only around when it’s convenient for him, gives you just enough attention to keep you hanging on, or disappears when you need him, those are major red flags.
If you’re unsure whether he genuinely likes you or if you’re just filling a temporary role in his life, here are some clear signs to help you figure it out.
He Only Contacts You When He Needs Something
One of the clearest signs that a guy is just using you is when he only reaches out when it benefits him.
Maybe he disappears for days or even weeks, only to pop back up when he’s bored, lonely, or in need of a favor.
If you notice that his texts always have an agenda—whether it’s asking for a ride, borrowing money, wanting help with something, or looking for a hookup—he’s not invested in you, he’s just using you for convenience.
A man who genuinely cares about you will want to talk to you just because he enjoys your company.
He won’t need a reason to text or call.
He’ll check in on you, ask how your day was, and put in effort even when he doesn’t need anything from you.
But if he only contacts you when he’s in a bind, that’s a red flag.
Another clue is whether he disappears once he gets what he wants.
Does he go silent after you help him out?
Does he suddenly become distant the moment he’s satisfied his needs?
Does he only initiate conversations late at night or when he has no other plans?
These are all signs that he’s not thinking about you as a priority—he’s thinking about you as an option.
A real connection is built on mutual effort, where both people genuinely care about each other’s happiness.
If he only shows up when he wants something, he’s not giving you a real relationship—he’s giving you bare minimum attention to keep you around.
And you deserve so much more than that.
He Avoids Emotional Conversations and Commitment
A guy who is serious about you will want to connect with you on a deeper level.
He won’t be afraid to talk about feelings, share personal thoughts, or open up about where the relationship is headed.
But if he avoids those conversations like the plague, chances are, he’s just keeping things surface-level on purpose.
Does he change the subject whenever you try to talk about where you stand?
Does he shut down or get irritated when emotions come into the picture?
Does he make excuses when you ask about the future?
If he’s doing all of this, it’s because he doesn’t want the relationship to have depth—he just wants to keep things light and convenient for him.
Another red flag is if he dodges labels or commitment.
Maybe he says things like, “Let’s just see where this goes,” or “I’m not really into defining things right now.”
He might keep you around just enough to keep your hopes up, but never enough to actually commit.
This type of behavior is classic from a guy who enjoys the benefits of a relationship—your time, affection, and attention—without ever offering stability in return.
Real love and care aren’t about avoiding emotions.
They’re about embracing them, even when it’s uncomfortable.
If he refuses to talk about anything meaningful and always pulls away when you get too close, he’s not serious about you.
And the longer you stay, the more you’ll realize that he was never planning to be.
You Always Make the Effort, but He Never Does
A healthy relationship is built on mutual effort.
Both people should be willing to show up, communicate, and invest in the connection.
But if you feel like you’re the only one putting in the work, that’s a huge red flag.
If he never initiates plans, never texts first, and only responds when it’s convenient for him, chances are he’s just not that invested.
Take a step back and ask yourself—if you stopped reaching out, would he even notice?
Would he put in the effort to check in on you, plan a date, or ask how you’re doing?
If the answer is no, then you’re the only one holding this relationship together.
Maybe you always make excuses for his lack of effort.
You tell yourself he’s busy, not good at texting, or just “not the type to plan things.”
But the truth is, when someone wants to be in your life, they make the time.
No one is too busy to send a simple text or make plans with someone they genuinely care about.
If he’s happy letting you do all the work while he just sits back and enjoys the attention, he’s using you.
You shouldn’t have to beg for someone’s time or chase after them just to feel seen.
Real love isn’t one-sided.
You deserve someone who is just as excited to see you as you are to see them.
If he’s not willing to put in effort, then he’s not worth yours.
He’s Secretive About His Life and Where You Stand
If a guy is serious about you, he won’t keep you in the dark about his life.
He’ll introduce you to his friends, talk about his goals, and let you in on what’s happening with him.
But if he’s being vague, dodging personal questions, or keeping you out of certain parts of his life, that’s a sign that he’s hiding something.
Maybe you don’t know much about his family, where he spends his time, or even what he does when he’s not with you.
Maybe he never invites you to his place, avoids talking about his past, or keeps your relationship out of public view.
If he’s acting like your relationship is some kind of secret, it’s probably because he wants it to be.
A guy who is invested in you will make it clear that you’re an important part of his world.
If he’s keeping you at a distance, he may not see this as something serious—or worse, he may be hiding other relationships.
You shouldn’t have to question where you stand.
If he truly cares about you, he’ll show it by being open, honest, and proud to have you in his life.
You Feel Emotionally Drained Instead of Fulfilled
A healthy relationship should lift you up, make you feel secure, and bring genuine happiness into your life.
It won’t be perfect all the time, but at the very least, it should feel good.
If being with him makes you feel exhausted, anxious, or constantly second-guessing yourself, that’s not love—that’s emotional depletion.
When someone is using you, they take without giving back.
You pour your energy into making them happy, trying to earn their affection, and doing whatever it takes to keep them around.
But instead of feeling appreciated, you feel empty.
If you’re always questioning his intentions, replaying conversations in your head, or feeling like you’re never enough, it’s a clear sign that this relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving.
Love isn’t supposed to make you feel insecure or drained.
You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells, wondering if today is the day he finally decides to put in effort.
You shouldn’t have to constantly prove your worth just to receive basic respect.
When someone truly cares about you, they don’t make you beg for love, attention, or effort.
They give it willingly because they want to.
If this relationship leaves you feeling unappreciated, emotionally exhausted, or like you’re doing all the work while he benefits, it’s time to step back and ask yourself if this is really what you deserve.
Because the truth is, real love adds to your life—it doesn’t drain you.
Final Thoughts
If you feel like you’re being used, trust your gut.
Love should never feel one-sided, confusing, or like a constant uphill battle.
A guy who values you will show it through his actions, his consistency, and the way he makes you feel.
If you’re giving your heart to someone who only gives you breadcrumbs in return, it’s time to walk away.
Because the right person won’t make you question your worth—they’ll remind you of it every single day.